I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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