I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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