I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
