youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
