If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cut my penus on the lid.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
