Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
