i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
3 2 1 whiskey
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
