Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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