Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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