if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
