Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
try to milk me bitch
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