Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
