He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
