There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sext me about skeletons
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
