Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
