i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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