Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
