He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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