It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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