it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
