Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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