someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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