Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
