It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
