I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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