i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
