we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
