i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
