She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
