Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
