i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
