just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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