I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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