Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Success! We fucked roommates!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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