Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And then he peed in my hair
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