He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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