I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
