Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
