i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
