I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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