9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
