I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
