I faked an abortion last night.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
