The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
