nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
whose parrot is this?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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