I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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