she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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