I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
