I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
