Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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