I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
