What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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