oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
