I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
