now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
