Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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