youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
