We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
