The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
