If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He kissed a someone with a penis
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
