Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
