Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
