Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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