I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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