He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
