ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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