she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
