All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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