please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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