I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
