So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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