I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
