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You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
