he told me I talked like a deaf person
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
