i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
