Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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