We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
