If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
