First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
